A GRIEF OBSERVED

By Jeff G

As anyone who has read C.S. Lewis will know the title of this paper is a plagiarism of one of his last works. I freely admit to it and do not apologize for doing so. For in dealing with the subject of human suffering and the goodness of God it is an appropriate and most eloquent title. It is possible to wax poetic and write wonderful prose constructing fantastic theological paradigms talking about the grace of God through times of suffering and heartache but it really never becomes real until it hits the ones you love and cherish. Lewis found this out in his own life. He had written some brilliant books and essays on pain and suffering but the real test of his convictions came when his beloved Joy became ill with cancer (for the second time) and finally died. How would his great theological framework that he had so marvelously set forth earlier stand up under the crucible of fire? His book entitled “A Grief Observed” is a journal about the search for understanding during this time of personal pain. It is a picture of a soul in torment that travels through anger, fear and finally renewal with the God he has known and loved. In one form or another this is something we all have to answer for ourselves sometime in our lives. How do we reconcile the pain and suffering of humans with a good God?

It is not necessarily human evil or even general suffering that may happen after natural disasters that cause the most problems. These can be chalked up to freedom of choice God has allowed and the fact that much of the suffering after a natural disaster is due to man’s unwillingness to cooperate and help their fellow man through corrupt governments and callus feelings. It is watching your wife of 30 years crying in agony with every movement or touch due to the pain of bone cancer, and knowing there is nothing you can do. Even with pain medication there is still pain. So you pray to God to cure or alleviate the problem. You find yourself asking that if she not be cured…take her home quickly Lord. All this time it is natural to ask “Why must she go through this”? Many times there are cures, but many times the answer is “No, my grace is sufficient for you” as what happened with Paul when he prayed to be healed. “Why” is always on your lips and your mind. Often we may never know.

Are the suffering and the strength both you and her go through with the help of Christ bringing someone closer to God? Is it to perfect your or her faith through relying solely on God’s grace and strength to bring you through this? Maybe both or neither. When you are in the midst of the situation it is hard to see anything else. The truth is you may never know the exact reason. There does not seem to be any indication that Job ever understood the reason he was going through his trials. I’m sure God’s answer at the end of the book was not totally intellectually satisfying because essentially God told him he would never understand the workings of God but be assured that God did have a good reason and that Job was to trust him. Which he did. These answers are hard to take in the middle of the night, watching the pain and disease devastate the body of the one you love. Yet there are times when the reason is given or seen. Two examples come to mind from real life. One is the example of Joni Erickson, a young Christian girl who decades earlier was involved in a diving accident that left her a quadriplegic. Through her faith in Christ and the help of God she has lived through this tragedy and a great Christian ministry has grown that has brought untold numbers to faith in Christ. This is not to say she does not pray every day for a healing from God to cure her broken body. But God has thus far said no and that she will spread his gospel most effectively the way she is. He has prospered her and given of the strength and courage to continue.

Both Ravi Zacharias and Walter Martin give the second example. It is about a young missionary, his wife and children. God sent him on a mission to Iran. One of the hardest places in the world to try and spread the gospel. Before they left, they were at a church service and given a prophecy that during their mission there would be sorrow, then great joy. While in Iran they finally were able to establish a very small mission. Then one day while traveling to another city on some old back roads they were hit head on by another vehicle. The three children died in the accident. The young missionary gave the memorial service for his own children and preached the gospel and said that because of that he knew that he would reunite with his children and gave praise to God for his grace and strength. That is unheard of in a Muslim country. The grief of the parents would be too great. They do not have this hope within them. Through this service a great number came to Christ and the mission flourished. All because of a tragic loss and the suffering that went with it. God used this to bring many people to himself.

The question is “Will you trust God in all situations or only during the times of goodness and plenty”? James tells us “Faith without works is dead”. Well I tell you that if your faith in Christ and God only holds up during the times of happiness and joy, then it is worthless. God has never promised happiness in this life. He is not against it obviously and gives us an abundance of it. But if we then turn around and condemn him or leave him during the hard times, then you do not have true faith and trust in God. There will always be questions, often unanswered. God does not condemn this and he understands. But he tells us to trust him and he will give you the strength to get past it. We do not know what lies ahead in the days and weeks to come. Whether God will heal or take my wife home. But I do know that God has a plan. He is our great shepherd and we are his sheep. We will follow his voice wherever it leads.




Jeff G
March 21, 2006




On April 9th my friend, companion and wife of 28 years finished her battle with the bone cancer that had been plaguing her for the last two years. Maureen died on Palm Sunday and went home to be with the Lord. This was the hope and faith that gave her great strength and comfort during the last three weeks of her illness. It was not a hope built on wishful thinking and fantasy but on the assurance given in the Scriptures.

The last three weeks were not easy. They were hard on everyone involved; yet God did fulfill his promises to not give her more than she could bear for those that trust in him. Though there was great pain, there was also great comfort and joy. The pain was alleviated by doctors and medication, which would become massive by the end, and the comfort and joy for Maureen was sent in the forms of family, friends and strangers that helped give her peace in the last weeks. Even fond memories were given to us to help move the sad memories to the rear. As the parade of people came by, she saw how greatly she had affected people. Some who came in were completely unknown to her but through the various community workings had helped and affected these people in one way or another. Finally after about a week a friend came up and told Maureen that she wanted to buy her pony ride and therapy pony program and keep them running. Maureen smiled and said later that she was ready to let go now. Her babies (ponies) were taken care of. Her mind was at ease. Yet always foremost to her was the knowledge of where her final home would be.

There was another week and a half as the medication had to be slowly increased until she finally slipped into a coma and passed away a few days later. As I am writing this I will not claim to know why Maureen had to die this way. But I do know that it is part of God’s plan. Maybe her peace and strength do to her faith in Christ affected some of the people she came into contact with. I do know that some of nurses that cared for her came to her memorial service. Maybe some of her self-proclaimed “born again” atheist friends would remember some of the Christ centered messages of the memorial service and the seed would be planted. Maybe someone who was or would be going through their own hard times will draw strength through Maureen’s example of relying on God’s promises. Or maybe God just decided that it was time for her to go. Maureen, though she had never left her Christian faith, had come back strong into it during the last five to six years. I think God bringing her back was preparing her for this last journey.

All these things run through my mind, sitting there holding her hand and finally barely able to hold a finger lightly so not to cause any undo pain. Every departure a light kiss on the forehead and lips and a “I’ll see you tomorrow”… until there was no tomorrow. Maureen is now in the arms of Christ having all the tears and sorrows brushed away. She is seeing wondrous sights that we can only imagine. So no sorrow (well maybe a little) for she is in her real home now. No longer a pilgrim in a strange land. This little lady taught me so much about faith and reliance on God. I shall remember it always. God is faithful to fulfill his promises if only we will trust him.




Jeff G
May 1, 2006